Normal is not Normalized, Normalized is not Normal.
Story, State, Action Diary 05
Today we will continue the conversation from Diary 04, to further unwind some of the very fundamental hypocrisies and delusions of humanity.
Here is a Reference table for previous chapters in this series
Introduction to the model: The Story, State, Action Model
Story, State, Action Diary series
Diary 02: How Your Senses Have Been Colonized
Diary 03: How to Become Normal Human*
Diary 04: Normal Human = Sublime
Approaching Training Resting In Darkness
Before we get into this, I need to say some harsh things. I need to make some anti-promises. I need to critique some of the contexts by which we modern people live in and have received many wisdom teachings. Specifically, I need to critique bourgeoise Daoism as a classist system of self-improvement juxtaposed with the heart of Daoism as put forth in the Dao De Jing which was already at the time of writing an ancient memory of neolithic hunter-gatherer philosophy and lifeways.
While there have been and continue to be many advancements in the various techniques and systems of Daoism, much of Daoism as we have received it today is in some ways a eugenics-bro lifehack pastiche that promises various health & wealth improvements that fall under the umbrella of “immortality” as both a literalized fantasy, and as metaphysical metaphor.
China as we know it is a very old nation state that has undergone its own self-inflicted colonization over millennia. Nation states at their core are authoritarian, patriarchal projects that exist on spectrums and axes. All of them have numerous cons compared to their perceived pros.
When teachings trickle down to us through lineages of mostly male, mostly elite people, there is bound to be revisionist history and blindspots at play. I’m not advocating throwing the baby out with that bathwater, but I am emphasizing a continual, ongoing reflection and critique of the process of learning and relating with these bodies of information given the real material pressures that asymmetrically oppress people and the land.
The main critique that I have today in this writing is the eugenics-flavored sinkholes of many self-improvement endeavors. Constantly seeking to game the system for increased X. At its core, Daoism seeks to embody wuwei, which is essentially “non-action”, or rather “appropriate actions that spontaneously arise, decline and change via reciprocal correlation”. Actions that seem to happen just so of themselves, like nature. Not from aggressive striving, compulsion, addiction, revulsion or neurotic paranoias. Easier said than done! (actually, saying it isn’t even that easy…)
The process by which one lives is also the process by which one dies.
If we are to die with dignity, we must also live with dignity. We must learn what dignity means in an embodied way:
What is/are the Story, States and Actions of Dignity?
Does dignity mean striving always to be more powerful?
Might there be an entire aspect of nature that is antithetical to the ideas of gaining and losing?
Do we as mammals even desire to encounter such a possibility?
Do we truly desire to become practitioners of wuweidao, the way of no way, the way of non-action/non-striving?
If so, what do we think that will get us?
If these sound like trick questions, it’s because in some ways they are. It’s a bit like talking about water to a fish. But I find that this style of poetic contemplation can at least temporarily shake us from our karmic and physiological automation.
I’ve already told you a bit of my own personal situation. As I get older, I lose more and more power, health, hope and potential. The eugenics mindset would place blame squarely on me (the individualized self) and dispose of me in the trash heap of time along with millions of other disabled, poor or otherwise “unproductive” people.
The thing about living in eras of authoritarian nation states is that all you have to do to become one of these less-than-human scapegoats is wait a bit and your turn on the chopping block will come.
If you think that I’m fucking with you, perhaps I am. The older I get, the more respect I have for Time — the time it takes to really go through something is not capitalist time, not colonial time, but Real Time, the time that youth cannot comprehend nor appreciate, the kind of time that defeats everything. The Time that we are.
This is why it’s taken me as long as it’s taken me to get to where I am and no further. Like some kind of Yogi Berra-ism, wherever you go, there you are, no more and no less. There are no shortcuts for wisdom, no VIP line for living through it. All the bright ideas in the world don’t hold a candle to one stupid idea executed and made manifest (as we can clearly see, fascism/authoritarianism is persistent and determined.)
Though even with the persistence of dominators — We are at the whim of a reality with no Master. No ultimate god with a moral code to agree or disagree with.
Back to practice:
All technique, all method is merely an attempt at smashing through a self-imposed dishonesty. What you gain when you win is loss. This is not the kind of victory one celebrates at the local pub with a raucous crowd of fans. It takes a certain kind of masochist to follow this through. Or…
I’m not even saying that I have what it takes. I don’t need to pump myself up and “believe” in myself.
It’s not merely enough to just decide to practice, although that does produce effects one can measure in material reality. What I’m pointing at is a kind of baked in futility that appears as a long desert before you. The absolute refusal of reality to entertain you with a reward. And… This absence may look like the certainty of a reward.
Whichever version you perceive is sure to drag you into parts unknown. Reality has no goal. No eternal win state that is somehow separated from the lose state.
Us and the ghosts and demons and angels and and and are all in the same hole.
For me, at a certain juncture, I gave up and that’s when my real life started. Because I don’t know if healing exists and/or if life and death are really "real”, then I have to adhere to a set of principles that don’t deviate based on assumptions of those things being possible, true or real. I have to make choices without relying on beliefs or delusions that can’t be proven. I have to relate, without any rewards for doing so, and still make the decision regardless of gain or loss, understanding, love, acceptance, forgiveness, hope or meaning.
Victor Frankl may have been insightful in some sense, positing:
the importance of striving for a meaningful goal rather than seeking a tensionless state of happiness or comfort.
Suffering can cease to be suffering when it is imbued with meaning, such as the purpose of a sacrifice.
The ultimate freedom lies in choosing one's attitude in any circumstance, highlighting the power of personal responsibility and the pursuit of meaning.
But what if these assertions only function based on a relative opinion that there is such a thing as meaning? And that somehow lack of meaning causes a breakdown in human resilience, dignity and coherence?
Of course, we all here in the capitalist clusterfuck have witnessed this kind of phenomena and adhere to the religion of meritocracy and positive psychology as the highest truths. We have drunk the kool-aid and see the states we call depression, etc. as moral failings or as pitiable weakness and so on, because we cannot imagine a scenario in which the absence of meaning leads to neither depression nor fragility.
I am not saying Frankl is wrong, just incomplete. I wish to use every tool in the toolbox, not just the tools that are ranked as valuable by a class of people who would murder autistic children in their sleep and justify it as doing them a favor. The kind of people who would nod their head in approval at Frankl’s words but still send people to concentration camps under the guise of morality, safety and righteous truth. The kind of people who desire a society of masters and slaves at any cost. Even the kind of people who think that by acting in certain ways they will get rewarded by spirits.
Dualism has a very tricky way of circling back around to justify atrocity with the same reasoning used to make sense of atrocity. The traumatized and oppressed often become the new oppressors, once enough water has passed under the bridge, once enough addiction has been ignored and normalized.
This is because the root of the hunger, the pain and the fear has not been addressed. In the search for meaning, no one stopped to ask if the supposition was flawed. No one stopped to wonder if pain was actually the real problem.
Because this article was a super punch to the western/modern/dualistic mind, let me give you a preview of the next articles.
In the next articles I will outline the Story, State, Action roadmap in terms of:
States —> Thinking/Thoughts —> Actions/Behaviors.
and
Why/How the “Belief in Beliefs” is holding western culture back from healing and transforming its violent actions and illness symptoms.
Probably in about a week or so.
Housekeeping
This WEDS May 7th, premium subscribers will meet live at 10am PST to learn the auspices and animist behaviors of the 4th Moon: The Snake Moon. You can find the link in the Premium Subscribers Tab when viewing this substack in a browser (not the app).
2nd and 4th WEDS the patreon cohort will meet to further learn about Daoist Dream practice. Class is ongoing and you can join anytime and watch recordings at your own pace.
This month the extra workshop is on beginning to work with the yijing (i ching). RSVP for that is linked here: THURS MAY 29th.
Stay tuned for another Story, State, Action workshop in June 2025!
Introduction to the model: The Story, State, Action Model
Story, State, Action Diary series
Diary 01: Dying on that hill, Falling on that sword
Diary 02: How Your Senses Have Been Colonized
Diary 03: How to Become Normal Human*
Diary 04: Normal Human = Sublime
Diary 05: Normal is not Normalized, Normalized is not Normal.
Diary 06: Chaos, Our True Home.