Medical gofundme & updates
we interrupt the deathclown rules series for survival related news
link to my gofundme: https://gofund.me/89226eda
updates
#1 - gofundme update:
Hello, all
Thank you for your support - the funds, words of appreciation and sharing what me and my work has meant to you. That was an unexpected side effect of this campaign.
Thank you to Heather for offering to set it up, because it was not something I was ever planning on doing. But when Heather offered, I checked in with the red path spirit and they said "whatever works - ideals aren't really real anyway" or something to that effect so I went with it as a kind of dare, a shot in the dark. My life is kind of like that overall, curses and karma and blessings and nothing really working out that great. Comedy and Tragedy wearing each other's skins. I hate that we all live in this kind of weird hell realm but I also know that this is only one part of a big dream that reaches out far beyond our human attachment to what we think of as time & space. And we should really do our best anyway, because dreams and nightmares are as material as anything else.
The funds will help me offset a small fraction of the money I've spent and lost due to inability to earn, as well as the impending costs that arrive each week due to this condition. I hope some of the new medication will help, but all of these things take weeks, months, to track effectiveness. It is a very strange karmic burning that feels personal yet isn't.
I am working on being able to offer at least one final container of online teaching soon, a 3 month cohort, and a new free season of Underworld Party podcast interviews. I am also toying with offering some kind of "Creativity Coaching" private sessions. Someone once said I was like an "Idea Doula" and though I think it's a bit of a cringe phrase, I think it's quite accurate. Suffice to say, making this kind of work function in such a society as ours is endlessly heartbreaking and requires immense amounts of on-boarding, re-contextualizing and frankly, rehab-for-westerners. May we keep begging for forgiveness, working on our redemption arc, and breathing-singing through the thick miasma of our shared ghosthood... just like the old black grandparents taught us.
Nobody’s real life, which is a dream of god, ends when others think it does. Dream becomes dream becomes dream, uncapturable by petty hearts.
The refuge you might seek permeates all of time & space without exception.
At a certain point, even seeking refuge is no longer a singular priority, as refuge is recognized as the baseline of reality.
Quenching the story of fear and loss, we discover the vast gift we have resisted accepting for so long.
Though we reap what each other & the ancestors have sown -- unevenly -- in the end, the pit claims us all, every last shred of idealism and personality.
We are all each other's unknowable future, refracted through strange waters.
#2 instagram livedream update:
#3 assorted jibber jabber:
in the near future there will be a new web page for private sessions, as well as the onboarding for the deathpractice/deathclown demo group.
I am extremely doubtful that many in this culture will be able to follow through on the application process, as so many people are trained that things should be easy and that they should be “met where they are”, rather than take on the responsibility of the artistic learner to do the proper preparation, research and inquiry in order to enter into containers of transformation and artistic-cultural development.
The longer i do this work, the more i am flabbergasted by the inability of people to learn and improvise, and figure shit out in a fun way without collapsing. It seems like infantilization and learned helplessness is the ultimate, nearly permanent baseline for westerners and white folk in general.
And yet in certain sub-cultures, this artistic posture and flexible mental state is normal.
But not in Therapy-Trauma-Wellness-Social-Justice land. I’m a sick and tired person and it still feels nearly impossible to share my skills without becoming exhausted by panicked, anxious prospective learners. Even when I am ill, and people know i’m ill, they still come wanting things from me, pretending they are not wanting things from me, and without a shred of respect, humility or adequate exchange. It’s a cruel, insane kind of behavioral approach, indicative of regressed psyches that can’t figure out how to just feel natural existence without codependent signaling.
Can you tell i’m starved for mature peers?
What a fucking shitshow.
I’m still a collectivist though.
It’s just that collectivism to the white/western regressed psyche means something totally different than what it means to the more mature, artist-poet that is just wanting a container of sanity and peer support. Some people want and need their hands held in such a way that they need to be able to name that explicitly so that other people can consent or not consent to that relational dynamic. Forcing people into your childlike idea of compassion and calling them abusers when they don’t do it is just another kind of dominance and fascism.
So i’m leaving behind the world of trauma-counseling-etc because most people don’t know what it means to respect the helper. They weaponize animism, they weaponize trauma science, weaponize nonduality, they weaponize their incomplete understandings of history and psychology and interdependence and impermanence. Then they blame others.
So what is it that i do? DeathPractice & DeathClowning are ultimately approaches toward artistic relating and making art that does not exile anything. EVERYTHING IS MATERIAL. Everything is relational. It is how we attend (PLAY attention) that creates the various conditions for collective consent and play and innovation to emerge from the dreaming-that-is-all. It is how we can be with what is in ways that are surprising, unpredictable and therefore alive, vital and numinous. It is not salvational, it is ordinary. It is not curative, it is creative. It is not morally absolute, but ethically relative.
It is art. The artist and the art in a dance that exchanges roles, perceptions and energy. It is nonduality, tantra, animism, queerness and the roots of culture which are theater and ritual, before the stink of religion and before the greed for hoarding resources colonized our hearts.
If you actually just want to do the real thing, in a container where we are only interested in doing the real thing. Let me know and stay tuned.
Observing, exchanging, awkward often and l know I have been impacted by your work in really good ways. Not sure if I trust all the motives of the collective that I am yet, but wanting to affirm at minimum here as fellow travellers with folks who are in it, or getting in it with you. Yeah.
your work is so so great really. im thankful for u and that you're here.