Death Practice Musings 03
june 25-29
June 25
As you rage, grieve, flip-flop, rant, bite your nails, feed your ancestral ghost-demons, scheme up new ways to become powerful, etc
Just remember -- we tend to forget all the ancestors behind us that didn't hold a grudge when they died, didn't take the story of betrayal to their grave. We remember the angry ones, the victimized ones, the psychotic ones, the hurt ones. We remember them because their echo-story is still alive in us, trying to become resolved. A ghost shard can't resolve itself because a ghost is not a "person", it's like thinking an old vhs recording of your grandma IS your grandma.
I repeat: A GHOST-THING IS NOT A PERSON. It is a residue, an echo, an imprint. It is not someone you can really relate to as a person.
If you lean into this you will realize the entirety of what buddhists call "samsara", this dual world filled with crazy suffering and insane behaviors.
If you think you can somehow escape Death, just like the christo-fascists think, you will also become a ghost while you are still alive. A GHOST "human" who is not human. Humanity must be cultivated, it is not a given. This precious incarnation is a training ground for aware generosity in the face of extreme pain.
The abortion fight is about death-phobia and death-anxiety, it is fundamentally about IGNORANCE. The christo-fascists are crazed with ignorance. And fighting against them can easily turn us into ignorant ghosts as well, determined to DEFEAT some kind of force we assume to be EVIL.
Believing this kind of story is a ticket to ghost city when we die.
Resolve your grudges and stories of betrayal NOW, in this precious HUMAN incarnation.
religious fascism has always been an issue with humans. there is a bug-feature in our stone age nervous system that derives neuro chemical addiction pleasure from groupthink, stockholm syndrome, a kind of adaptive PTSD based in indoctrination into group belief and mythic intensity.
u may think i’m just saying gibberish, but i predict in the next few years it will be common knowledge that all co dependent and insecure attachment styles, as well as all forms of narcissistic behaviors (covert and overt) are connected to the opioid addiction process in the brain/nervous system.
this will explain all forms of racism and its symptoms, like fragility, confirmation bias, etc, as well as every other ism that could be lumped together under willful ignorance. such as sexism, capitalism, transphobia, paranoid and extreme manic/anxiety symptoms, conspiracy theorists, ableism, colorism, sizeism, monism, cartesianism, cult dynamics, and more. the neural pattern and associated storytelling produces a narcotic effect that becomes compulsive, and this effect is amplified in group synchronization with others who share the compulsive addiction.
i predict there will be a major aha moment when addiction drug & alcohol counselors will team with somatic therapists and black/indigenous liberationists, including those who practice various forms of nondual philosophies (buddhism, daoism, shaivism, etc) to really address that everything has been connected the whole time and is an addiction issue, not a strictly "religious" or "philosophical" issue.
as they say, it’s not the drug, it’s the biopsychosocial conditions of the drug user that create the perfect storm for addiction to take root.
and yes, learned helplessness and identifying as a "victim" is also part of this addiction cycle.
as per my last big post on religious fascism and addiction, you can see this process more clearly if you understand that ppl who persecute others are addicted to a story that they are (always) being persecuted, so their actions are always self narrated as a defense against this perceived persecution they are hallucinating and exaggerating.
but they don’t perceive any of this as a narrative, partly because the narrative neurochemically is a felt experience that contains addictive compounds. they first feel pain from the story, and then immediately by indulging in the story and the connected sub-stories, their addicted brains start to release various chemicals to counteract the pain signals (that their system created in the first place).
they do this compulsively because to not do it feels like certain death or torture. this is why addiction is so insidious. the addictive compounds (and their triggers and complexes) become "the only way to survive". yet another addiction narrative that strengthens all the other connected addiction narratives.
but you can locate this process within your own system because we all do this to some degree with our "just-so" stories about the way we think things are in any given situation. this is the beginning of our coping strategies and identification processes. and yes, these too are compulsive addictions that first create pain, and then create a temporary antidote to the pain that we become addicted to.
the key is in becoming self aware and self reflective enough to be able to stop the first part of the domino cascade. the first part. the part where we trigger a process where we create pain in our own system and say that someone or something else is creating that pain. it can be tricky because there are systemic, political, social conditions that do harm us. and we have to disentangle those truths from our mythic fictions. we have to figure out why and how we throw gas on the fire and then run to the metaphorical drug dealer to help us put out the fire.
in the past few days my introductory explanations on how fascism, addiction and the many social ills we are facing has caused multiple ppl (2 white women, 1 white man, 1 black man) to do their projection/discharge dance on me digitally. so i want to take a minute to flesh out what is happening here and how it relates to addiction.
neural discharge, projection & learning
so, all children project to learn. its how they start to model and mimic. it is the start of learning and of cultural indoctrination. all cultures indoctrinate their children. its not evil, but it will always have "blindspots".
in some old pre agricultural or hunter gatherer societies, the basis for their sub culture was PLAY. because their base was PLAY they could use SHAME and MOCKING to curb the naturally occurring narcissistic tendencies of people (usually young men or boys). young yang energy has always been the most dangerous human energy. because fascism and violence, domination.
domination and play can’t co exist.
now, some old cultures experimented with social design methods we would find morally reprehensible today. this doesn’t mean they are evil, but it does mean that even our old ancestors weren’t always the most best. they were also guessing, led astray, and conned by other ppl and other spirits. some of these experiments included child sacrifice, human sacrifice, cannibalism, polygamy, incest, rape, slavery, patriarchy etc. and its not just "agriculture bad, hunter gatherer good". that thinking is rank stupidity.
now, when we project we place power in that which we project upon. as children do, we may not realize we are doing this. sometimes depending on your uniqueness, this transfer of perceived power will cause various side effects such as covert or overt narcissistic tendencies. have you noticed how narcissistic toddlers are? and how we try to train them out of it? and they are projecting all the time. they are also doing something we can call neural discharge. as in, low impulse control.
this low impulse control is part of the addiction cycle, because the first addiction is to the compulsive impulse. the compulsive impulse is seen as a protection against some perceived pain. that pain is perceived as happening to them, from something or someone outside their system. because they are projecting all the time, so there is no reflective process unless it is learned or modeled.
why buddhism was so revolutionary is because it said that the issue was within the self, not always some external force. you see, there is such a dynamic we can call dualistic animism or war shamanism. and many old ancestors practiced this kind of culture as their just so story, the way it is was and ever will be. christianity as it is today is essentially dualistic animism, war shamanism.
in many indigenous shamanic cultures who have not reached a kind of nondualism, they believe that everything that happens is a result of some other spirit doing something. so if a goat dies, or a miscarriage happens, etc then it is an attack by an enemy force. perhaps it is a spirit, a ghost, or a rival shaman. (or witch or sorcerer or whatever term they use to denote these "magic" people).
this means that they need to be as or more powerful (competition/domination) then the external force in order to heal/cure/save/defend/attack. and how are they powerful? through their allied spirits which live in a certain location. most if not all these shamans are tied to a specific geographic area to do their magic. roughly speaking.
over the years ppl have figured out ways to bottle, trap or otherwise take their magic powers with them when they travel.
all of this is still a kind of projection. a kind of externalizing of the internal dynamic.
and people who are this way, have compulsive actions they MUST do when their internal spidey-sense gets too intense for them. neural discharge. if a person is externally oriented to project onto others a label of enemy in any way, this neural discharge is enacted out towards those "enemy witches".
this is happening all the time. social media is completely infested because humans are completely infested. people don’t have nondual practice when it comes to dealing with the effects of communication, which trigger all the latent toddler narcissism, trauma, and wrong view they have yet to heal within themselves. they still believe that they are right, and the world is doing things to them against their will. they are in a cosmic fight. dualistic animism, war shamanism.
in a lone person, this might become just paranoid delusion. but in a group, this can become a conspiracy theory, then a cult, and then if they gain enough power, a religious or political movement, a culture. and now we see what we are.
and honestly, i have so little patience for these behaviors.
and i re iterate, this happens, this can happen, when a person hears a SINGLE WORD THEY DONT LIKE.
related to my recent posts about addiction as a normal human capacity that must be managed consciously.
written by Karina B. Heart
“Today, I'm celebrating 35 years in recovery from alcoholism-addiction.
Putting down booze and substances saved my life and likely, the lives of others (I was a habitual drunk-driver).
It wasn't until I was maybe 15 years sober, and had left my second husband due to his active addiction (and the collateral damages it causes), that I began working toward "emotional sobriety."
During that time of tremendous strife, it occurred to me that my addiction was so cunning, that I'd figured out ways to "get high" on the chemicals produced in my own body. Marrying an untrustworthy, mostly-not-recovering addict was a great way to keep myself on edge/high. (Please don't read this as victim-blaming. It's one observation among many more complicated factors.)
If you generate and perpetuate dramatic and traumatic situations, you get a big rush of adrenaline coursing through your veins.
These are normal chemical reactions. And, in an addict, they can push us right back into ingesting drugs.
It was then that I became deeply interested in how the autonomic systems in the body operate, flooding us with chemicals that get us high (or low).
My goal, at the time, was to reach equilibrium; to catch myself as I was making decisions that'd inevitably create a cascade of chemical responses in the body. If I could catch myself early, I could remain "emotionally sober."
I didn't--and still don't--always catch myself in time.
It's still a day at a time. Life happens. We can't forgo interacting with life, and being (chemically) impacted by it.
Probably, one of the reasons I've eschewed the "positive mindset movement" is I perceive it as spiritual bypassing, *and* a purposeful biochemical hack that can be dangerous to me as a person who's drug of choice was anything that'd bring me UP.
For me, the goal is to try, as best I can, to maintain a pleasurable equilibrium while identifying and dealing directly with everything life throws at me. "Life on life's terms," if you will.
These days, I'm consciously, purposefully, intentionally seeking to sustain a more positive equilibrium by actively choosing to hack my system with feelings of love, gratitude, beauty, generosity, pride, passion, creativity. This doesn't mean I deny the realities of pain, confusion, anger, or other ("negative") experiences or emotions. Rather, I'm so exquisitely tuned into my chemistry, that it's as clear to me when I'm being hijacked by adrenaline as it was clear to me that the warmth in my belly and thighs after a few sips of alcohol meant I was getting buzzed. When this happens, I'm learning to step back into the thoughts, activities and relationships that bring me back to center.
To complicate matters, our autonomic systems are not necessarily always correct in their responses: We salivate just thinking about food we love--even if that food is not in front of us. We can cause nausea or gag reflex just imagining something we find disgusting. We respond to perceived and imagined danger, even if there is no imminent danger present. We can get so derailed by our chemical response to someone that we ignore red flags and lack of common interests as we "fall in love." We can ride our positive feelings of invincibility right into the gaping maw of death. Fear can cause us to fawn or try appease an abuser.
Foods, herbs, experiences, imaginings . . .all generate a pharmacopeia of internal chemicals/drugs.
I haven't ingested alcohol or drugs in 35 years. And this morning, I've already hacked my system with caffeine, spiritual practice, exchanging sentiments of love with a friend, writing practice, observing nature, and purposeful avoidance of the news.
In active addiction, I used so as not to feel. Now, I'm deeply conscious and more than a little suspicious of my feeling states. To "keep it simple," it helps to remember, "Feelings aren't facts. Like the weather, they pass." And, as importantly, "My story is not unique. We're all just another bozo on the bus."
Aren't humans fascinating?
If you're newly clean/sober, I can attest that the impulse to use dissipates, life gets better and much more interesting. Keep doing what works for you--you're worth it.”
it will take me at least a week to write the two or more follow up essays to the current #deathpractice writings about how fascism, addiction and narcissism and all the co-related traits such as co dependency, insecure attachment, projection and "triggers" are connected and effectively lay out a deprogramming/addiction recovery plan for modern humans.
at least a week, lol. i mean, just to sketch out a drop in a bucket! and a real recovery plan? that will take many of us, led by the ones who have dealt with addiction personally and without denial.
the future writings will be at my substack, the night garden, mainly because of the hot garbage psychosis flung at me the last few days. seriously, people are dangerous, gross, generally untrustworthy. BUT YOU ALREADY KNEW THAT!
What is more intersting to me is in the future, interviewing or sharing personal mini-essays & conversations (perhaps a roundtable podcast) from people who have actually confronted their addiction and understand what im saying experientially. people who have become aware of their addictive patterns and use it as a spiritual challenge to grow and change their behaviors.
it will be most beneficial at the beginning of this project to hear from people who have many years under their belt in terms of "sobriety" (meaning that they understand intimately their internal addiction and impulse control processes over a long period of time).
if you are one of these people, contact me via any of the many ways. i look forward to resonating on this important and misunderstood issue. may it benefit all beings.
#deathpractice (is also killing your bullshit desires)
in the meantime, read this!
my PS is: i will write longer on these ideas. i personally don’t necessarily agree 100% that narcissism is the root of all addiction. but it’s so close to the real that it illuminates all sorts of other processes that america/westernism covers up. i’m interested in the root processes of humanity, not necessarily the downstream effect of "narcissistic" tendencies. (although of course those tendencies are highly motivating to deal with for harm reduction and quality of life). I find myself having to over-explain my intentions and thought process because of the sheer amount of bad faith or misunderstanding that humans exhibit when interacting with language and cultural biases.
SEE YOU IN A WEEK OR SO